i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
