marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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