I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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