I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
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I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
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Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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