Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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