omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
