Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
