You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
