dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
