Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
