Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
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Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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