I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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