I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
