how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Randomize
