forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize