Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
