she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
