wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
