so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
