So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
These tits shall not be calmed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
