Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
In America we eat man semen.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
