1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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