I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you had me at cake vodka
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
