i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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