You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
