i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
