instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
