Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
