Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize