Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
