How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
