Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
