I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
