my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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