Barsexuality is the new black.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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