you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
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Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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