Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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