dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
