i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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