Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
