Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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