i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
