I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
