In the future we'll all be gay
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
