I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
