Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
