i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
