You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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