He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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