walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
