Jerry, you need to find god
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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