i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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