I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
