don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
