We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
