my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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