My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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