and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
