At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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