kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
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If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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