if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
