i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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