You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
