Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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