ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
