i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
