i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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