I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
