i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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